it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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