R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
