Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
