Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
