Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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