I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize