Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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