can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
