you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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