waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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