lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
