He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
