Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Green mimosas i think yes
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
soo... how was my night?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
