I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Randomize
