I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If I die, sorry about rent.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize