I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
