first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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