so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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