i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize