My hair reeks of homosexuality.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
