slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
