I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
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