you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
