I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
being pregnant is like rehab
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
