He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
