Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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