And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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