girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
