What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
