i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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