Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
my being single is dangerous.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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