I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
