No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
