I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
