Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
