Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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