theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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