I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
