i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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