I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
