yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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