i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
