Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
