can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
