I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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