yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
