he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
