so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
