If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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