end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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