I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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