I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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