you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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