Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
