Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
