Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
