Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
