"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
