we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
