I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize