Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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