Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
