my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
