Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize