Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
