don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
