I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
