Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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