We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
These tits shall not be calmed
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
