So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
