if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
