I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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