It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
