Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize