Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
