drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
