i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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