and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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