I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
