yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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