Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
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